How to be a Stay-at-Home Mom

Disclaimer. I still don’t fully know how to be a stay-at-home mom – a SAHM. It’s been almost five years and I still have no idea what I’m doing.

I started working around 18 years old, because I wanted to. I liked working. Having an office job sounded cool to me. Matter of a fact, I had an office job when I was pregnant and was going to return back to work after maternity leave.

But then my husband got a new job in DC. And because we wanted a new adventure, we decided to pack up and move. Which meant the current job I was in, I’d no longer be going back to. I had always just assumed I’d take my maternity leave and go back to work. Be a working mom.

But we moved when my daughter was 2 1/2 months old. So what was I going to do? Get a new job with an infant, while being a new mom, in a city where I don’t know anyone? So I thought, well I guess I’ll be a stay-at-home mom.

Another quick side note. Growing up, I wasn’t convinced I was going to have kids when I got older. So that should set up my qualifications for this little SAHM guide quite nicely.

Alright, so how to be a stay at home mom. I feel like I should compile a list here. Some kind of check box of qualifications to be a SAHM…

Quaflications to be a Stay-at-Home-Mom

• Be a person – hey guys can do this too
• Have a baby

Yep, that looks about right. If you are having trouble getting and staying pregnant check out my post about that. Next up, you’ll need to mentally prepare on how to be a stay-at-home-mom.

How to Prepare to be a Stay-at-Home-Mom

• Sleep less and wake up frequently to get your body ready
• Become confused & delirious about everything
• Cook and clean 24/7
• Start talking to yourself now
• Develop saint-like patience
• Start that self-doubt now on how to be a parent
• Remember all the joy because you’re actually having a baby
• Then quickly into shock because you’ll be having a baby

OK listen. Everyone knows having a baby is life changing and amazing and beautiful but it’s also trying. I don’t want to crap all over being a stay-at-home-mom. That would mean I’m crapping all over myself. I just want to give you an honest view of being a SAHM. You can also also check out my little rant about Feminism and Being a SAHM video as well.

Stay Sane

Once you are a SAHM, you’ll need to stay sane. Because remember, it’s just you and a little baby all alone for most of the day. You can’t just be with your kid and expect not to go crazy. You need grownups and your baby needs to interact with other kids too! One of the best things I did was to make mom friends and join a moms group. Even if your instinct are to make fun of stroller groups, and mommy play dates and you think it’s ridiculous – they’re not. They will be your saving grace. They exist for a reason.

Want to be my Friend?

You could be new to an area, or maybe the only Mom in your friend circle, whatever it is, find other Mom friends with kids in the same age range as yours. I personally went on Meetup and found a Moms group – Mamistad out in the DC area. I no longer live in the DMV area but if you’re there, consider joining the group.

Listen to me – YOU CAN MAKE NEW FRIENDS. I grew up moving around. We moved seven times growing up and I went to three different high schools so I get that I’m used to having to make new friends. I’ve also moved a lot, four times so far, since being married. But if you’ve never moved and aren’t used making new friends as an adult – you can still do it. If you need pointers on how to make friends, check out my How to Make New Friends as an Adult post.

At the first meetup for the Moms group in DC I was determined to find a friend ASAP. You need to have that mentality. I was so determined that I turned to the girl next to me, who seemed to be the only one with a personality, and said, I’m new in town, want to be my friend? Yup. I straight up asked someone to be my friend like I was a 5 year old. And ya know what? It worked. Even after I moved back to California, we still check in with each other. Matter of a fact, I keep in contact with all of the ladies from the group of Moms I was placed into.

Those ladies and their babies saved me. Saved me from sitting at home, sad, lonely and thinking I needed to do everything by myself. You’ve heard this before and maybe its super annoying but, find a tribe. You cannot exist on a deserted island alone with your baby. Talk with your old friends, talk with your new friends, talk with your partner and make sure you share your feelings. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk to people. Like the girl scouts say: make new friends but keep the old.

What Not to do as a SAHM

• Loose yourself
• Complete and utter selflessness
• Keep everything in
• Think you can do everything by yourself
• Not have mom friends

It’s a short list but please take it seriously. I’m talking to you and myself. It’s easy to start going down a bad path of isolation and fear. I’ve made so many missteps, and will continue to, as a SAHM, because it’s a learning curve. Especially when another kid comes along. Being a SAHM is a full time job. A 24 hours a day, seven days a week job because you don’t get to check out at 5pm. It is harder than having a full time job. I know you job can be difficult, but I don’t care what kind of job you have – this one is harder. I remember my other jobs being hard and stressful but not like this. Not even close.

You have to raise a human being. You have to make every decision under the sun for that person and hope to God that you’re making the right choice every step of the way. I mean, feeding a newborn till their first birthday is so intense. The amount of decision and changes in that year for food is mind boggling. And that’s just feeding them! I could go into a huge rant right now further proving my point, but I think you get it.

Make Time for Yourself

If you follow me on Instagram, you know that I’ve talked about this before and often. I also have an entire post on how to be a selfish mom and how to create spa moments AKA time for yourself. I did not do this with my first born. I just cast myself aside thinking I needed to be a martyr and it was ridiculous. With my second born, I swore I wouldn’t do that again and I am in a much better place mentally this time around because of it. Please, self care seems to be a movement and a nice little catch phrase but it’s popular for a reason.

This post could be a book, but at some point I need to stop and summarize. Let’s see, how to be a stay-at-home mom. Be realistic. Know that it will be hard and you’ll be on an emotional roller coaster. So make friends. Have an outlet to talk all things baby and what you’re going through with people in the same boat as you. Make time for talking. You have to. Also, give yourself a break. You are doing great, you’re an amazing human being and so is your little one(s) because of you. But you can’t be great if you don’t take time for yourself too. Even if it’s 15 minute – make yourself do it.

And even though I only said it once. Having a baby is incredible, awesome, amazing and a positive life-changing event that will swell your heart 100 times over. Congrats Momma or Dada.