Sleep Training Sucks

You heard me – sleep training sucks. Please let me reiterate this – I don’t have parenting advice. I’m that mom who tries hard but doesn’t exactly nail things. And my Achilles heal is sleep training. My wonderful shirt, I Breed Non Sleepers from Mom Culture, is the truest statement ever.

But even though I struggle with sleep training, I still wanted share because a lot of you have asked. Not everyone is great at this and not all kids sleep well. In my opinion, it’s genetic. I have no scientific evidence to back this up, but I have two kids and a linage of meh sleepers.

So when sleep training both of my kids I choose the cry it out method. I know this is hot button issue and some of you totally hate cry it out. Sorry man. My kids are stubborn, strong willed non-sleepers. And maybe we waited a too long, around 8 and 12 months, to start sleep training. I don’t know. But I do think I would have started around six months or earlier with different methods first.

At My Wits End

Let’s talk about the first child and sleep training. My poor baby girl had an undiagnosed dairy intolerance and so for about six months, she was a bad sleeper because she was uncomfortable. Then it took six more months to get it out of her system and for her to become comfortable. That means we’re at an entire year of crap sleep. I was beyond tired and at my wits end. I was by myself so much of the time – because my husband worked late nights and had started a new job. It was either go crazy and completely check out from life or sleep train using the cry it out method.

Now before this I had rocked her, swaddled, hummed and done every other imaginable thing to get her to sleep for an entire year. It’s exhausting and probably didn’t help her to learn to go to sleep by herself. I know. So after researching and talking with my husband we decided on cry it out. It just seemed like it would work with her.

A Game of Wits

So the day comes and everyone is petrified. We decided to sleep train her only at night and do the method where you go in every so often to check on her. So five minutes, eight minutes, ten minutes and so on. Well guys, she cried for an entire hour, maybe actually a little more. Everyone was crying and second guessing themselves – it was a horrible night. But that’s what cry it out is – a game of wits. And not to trivialize it to a game, but it’s really who can last longer.

Now I was still rocking her to sleep for naps, I didn’t start sleep training her on naps until about a month after the night situation was better. And yes, it did work. The next night she fell asleep quicker. Basically it continued to get better each night until it wasn’t all tears for everyone. Just rest. Typically it takes anywhere from 3-7 days to fully work.

A couple notes here. You have to wait to make sure your child isn’t sick. That there isn’t a medical reason they can’t go to sleep. That’s why we waited so long to sleep train her because there was something wrong with her, the dairy intolerance and we didn’t know it. And another thing – go with your gut. I knew something was wrong by the way she acted. Arching her back, just looking like she was uncomfortable or in pain. Once I saw that she felt better, after cutting diary and with some medications, then I knew it was time to sleep train.

Sleep Training the Second Kid

Now onto my son, whom we’re still sleep training as I write this. And the reason I’m writing about my experiences with two different babies is to give you an idea of how different it can be with each child. To hopefully help you on your sleep journey as well. Though honestly I wouldn’t wish a crap sleeper on anyone.

We started sleep training our son when he was eight months old. Just so you know, I avoided dairy when he was born. Then I had a cup a milk about two months into his life, and that day saw blood in his stool. I was told he had a dairy intolerance also. So we worked that obstacle out right away. And thank God he’s fine and has no illnesses.

The reason we started sleep training him was the same thing – everyone seemed to be getting more miserable. After around six/seven months he started realizing that we were rocking him to sleep and always with him when he fell asleep, so that screwed us over. Because when he woke up, an hour after going to sleep he realized we weren’t there. So he cried until we came in and picked him up. And I mean every hour, each hour, maybe every two hours if we were lucky. I was starting to have PTSD from my daughter and how miserable I became and a shell of myself. And as you know from my selfish mom post, I told myself that wasn’t going to happen again.

We decided on cry it out for him too, because of that exact situation where he just expected to be held to sleep. The first night he cried for about 75 minutes. We did the same method were we went in after five minutes, told him we were here for him and tried to comfort him. Then eight minutes, ten, ect… Now listen, he hated when we went in to comfort him. He’d just cry harder after we left. but something told me it was still a good idea. Because he is still little, I ended up feeling so bad that once I could tell he was really exhausted I went in there, laid my hand on his chest, laid my head down on the crib and closed my eyes to pretend I was asleep, until he fell asleep.

So no, he technically didn’t go to sleep by himself, I did help him. I know that’s counter-productive but I still never picked him up. Even I can’t just keep letting him cry. But can I tell you? He slept almost six hours straight that night! You need to understand that hasn’t happened since he was in infant y’all. AN INFANT. I woke up practically a new women. And if you follow me on my Instagram stories you’ll remember that!

However, at eleven months, sleep training with him is still a work in progress. When I put him to sleep sometimes he’ll cry for a few seconds, maybe a minute, and sometimes they’ll be no crying at all. And by crying it’s a feeble attempt to get me to walk in the room but he knows it isn’t happening so he just falls asleep. That means no one is in the room and I no longer put my hand on his chest. He does still wake up in the middle of the night, but typically we just go in, stick the pacifier in his mouth and he’s good. Unless he’s sick then sleep is all over the place. But he typically develops a cough and lots of mucus so we’ll hold him to keep him upright. But overall, it’s going so much better and I’m glad we choose the cry it out method for both kids.

Naps Improved Too

In addition to more sleep at night, his naps automatically starting becoming longer, even without sleep training naps right away. He used to take 30-45 minute naps, like clockwork, for both of his naps. It was horrible. But once we starting sleep training, his first nap turned into a 60-90 minute nap, every day! And his second nap is about 60 minutes long. Imagine all the things you can get done in a 60-90 minute span?! And how much better your baby feels when we wakes up!

Again, once the nighttime was better, I started sleep training the naps. I’d say about 1-2 months into the night time sleep training. They say don’t do it all at once and to start with nighttime first. The cry it out for naps was much easier because he already got the idea that we weren’t holding him.

I’m Not an Expert

Whatever you decided on sleep training, just stick with it. You’ll see time and time again that’s the message. However you end up sleep training you have to commit, 24/7. That’s the only clear way your baby knows this is the new normal. And there will be sleep regressions. They are real, and they suck and they’ll make you question what you’re doing. You might have to make some adjustments when they happen and do a sort-of re-sleep training later. But that’s life. You’re not going to get real sleep until your kid is like four.

And please remember, I’m not an expert. So consult your doctor, ask your friends, do what’s right for you because every baby is different. I hate telling you that, “every baby is different”, because it’s annoying and not helpful. But it’s true.

Comment below and let me know what you did, and if it worked for you. Good luck guys! You got this and you’re doing a great job at this parenting stuff!